This. I’m sure you’ve felt not enough at some point in your life. Probably many times. This was a feeling I felt a lot this Summer. I was working as a counselor at the camp I grew up going to. I initially adored the opportunity to be back in a place that meant so much to me. Yet, as the days went on, I started feeling inadequate and frankly not enough. I was in no way prepared for what God would ask of me. 

The first time I felt this feeling of not being enough was one week into staff training. We were given all the expectations and hopes for the Summer and I was overwhelmed. I had come off a year where my faith was not the strongest. I was sitting in the chapel the last night of training, in tears, questioning if I was where I was meant to be. “God, there has to be better people out there to do this. People who are more in love with you. More sure of their faith. Who can give these kids what they really need”. Those were the words that kept repeating in my head. This was my first I am not enough moment of the Summer. 

The second moment came a few weeks later. It was the first overnight camp I counseled. The kids were high school aged. It was halfway through the week and we were in bible study. As the pastor was talking, I looked out at all these kids. In their faces, I saw brokenness. I saw hopelessness. Fear. Anxiety. And here we were, sitting here, talking about some random story in the Bible. At that moment, I started to doubt. “Are we truly giving these kids enough? Will they be ok when they leave? Do we have what they need?” I had already gotten to know some of their stories. My heart broke for what many of these kids would return to in a few short days. I’m not enough for these kids, I thought.

My third I’m not enough moment occurred around a campfire worship one night. The message was about the goodness of God in all circumstances. Afterwards, I was sitting next to one of my girls. She looked me in the eyes and asked, “How can God be good when I have to grow up without a mom? Why did God take my mom away from me with cancer”? My heart sank. I had no idea. Why did God take her mother away? I was her counselor. I was supposed to know this. I’m not enough for this girl right now, I thought. I didn’t have the answers.

And yet. 

God showed up in my inadequateness. 

Every time.

How beautiful it was.

God gave me the strength to sit with that sweet girl in her doubt and pain. He gave me the capacity to love these kids with all my heart. He worked wonders in their lives. I have never seen the Lord work so much in such a short time. Healing happened. It wasn’t earth-shattering miracles every week, but seeds were being planted. And maybe seeds in themselves are the true miracle.

I was right in that first week. I couldn’t possibly change the lives of these kids. I’m not a pastor. I’m not a Social Worker. I’m just 20. But God still used that. My purpose for each week was to simply love on and give these kids all of me for the week. To keep them safe and show them how beautiful they were. To welcome their doubts. And trust that God would move in them. He had a plan, and my job was to just say “yes”.

Just say yes. I can do that.

I have the honor of being a part of these camper’s lives for one week. To hear their giggles and fall in love with their hearts. And while this is a part of God’s ultimate plan for their life, he has so much more in store. He will do way more in their lives than I possibly could. So at the end of each week, I tuck away the memories and give their lives back to their ultimate creator.

Thank you, Jesus. For showing me that I was exactly enough. Because of you.

You would use the girl with a broken heart, a messy faith, a tired soul.

Me & You Jesus. We got this.

Emily 

Questions:

-What is God challenging you to step into right now?

-What are times when you have felt inadequate and how have you trusted God in those times?
-What would showing up with a broken heart, a messy faith and a tired soul look like for you today?