By Benjamin Fisher ’27

Forgiveness is a tricky thing, especially if they still hold a grudge on something we’ve done ourselves even after showing them our forgiveness. Though I know it’s the right thing to do, I’d be lying if I said that I was at peace with everyone I’ve had a bad experience with, especially if they continue doing the thing that hurt me in the first place. And so I continue living my life holding that hate inside that’s able to flare up whenever I think of that particular person again. But this isn’t the kind of life that I want to live, and the Bible tells us how God thinks the same way. This is what I hope to shed some light on in this post. By reading what God says about forgiveness and reconciliation, I hope that we can all learn how to live more full lives by dropping some hate-filled baggage and instead carry things that build each other up, whether that be through being at peace with a person’s actions internally or taking the next step in reconciliation. 

One of the first things I recognize when I forgive someone is immediately feeling lighter and more full once that burden is gone. It changes the whole way I interact with others and view life, providing me with a new perspective of making new connections rather than let the old disconnections fester over time.

Before we dive into how we can better forgive and reconcile with others, it’s important to distinguish the difference between these two actions. Forgiveness is when we come at peace with a person through the power of God’s grace, which may take time, especially if that person hurt us really badly. Reconciliation, on the other hand, is when we take the next step in working to reconnect with the person that harmed us, whether that be to make amends or try to rebuild a friendship (Wright 2014). By doing this, we’re able to show the internal forgiveness we’ve developed to the other person, helping us grow in being merciful like Jesus. At the same time, it’s important to recognize that reconciliation shouldn’t be pursued in every situation since doing so might bring back the bad memories and negativity associated with that person, taking up our energy that we could otherwise use to enjoy this beautiful world God created us. It’s important to make sure to weigh the potential threats of trying to reconcile with someone who would try to use that reconciliation against you. We’re never obligated to take the step toward reconciliation, even if that other person says so. Sometimes the best we can do is work towards forgiving the other person and being content with that internal peace of mind. 

One of the first things I recognize when I forgive someone is immediately feeling lighter and more full once that burden is gone. It changes the whole way I interact with others and view life, providing me with a new perspective of making new connections rather than let the old disconnections fester over time. I can see this through one of my favorite stories in the Bible where Joseph forgives his brothers for abandoning him in a pit when they were kids (Genesis 37-45). Even though this experience subjected Joseph to prison and slavery, he still found it in his heart to forgive them and make their family whole again. Elizabeth Carter, who’s a theology graduate from Boston College and organizer of Biblescripture.net, says that an important thing to point out is that Joseph never forgot what his brothers did, but merely let go of all the bitterness that was stopping him from making peace (Carter 2024). By doing this, he was able to forge a new path in life with his reconnected family, showing us the value of releasing the bad to make room for the good. King David also experienced the transformative power of forgiveness when he repented for killing Bathseba’s husband after committing adultery with her (“How God Restored David”). Through his repentance stated in Psalm 51, we see how God’s forgiveness was able to set King David on the right path in life once again with being the ruler over the 12 tribes of Israel (2 Samuel 7:8-17). Through this story, we see how forgiveness can result in a spiral of positivity, with David’s forgiveness giving Israel back its redeemed leader that was an example for others on following God’s word. David’s actions also show us the power of reconciliation when it’s a constructive option to pursue, with him taking the next step in reconciling with his brothers to reconnect the family. 

While we know the benefits of forgiveness, it can be hard to actually follow through with the action itself. How can we take that next step? One thing that I’ve found helpful is recognizing my own sin as well as the context of where the person is coming from and how I may have impacted them (Study and Obey). The passage from James 1:19-20 taught me this, which states “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” These verses show us the value in having a cool and collected mindset whenever we feel wronged by someone else. By holding our tongues and listening more than we speak, we’re able to get a better feel for the situation and see the context of where the other person is coming from. Doing this also shows them how much we care about the other person by being attentive listeners. These practices can also be applied towards the process of reconciliation, which requires us to be calm and understanding. 

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Another verse that we can take advice from for forgiving others is Proverbs 19:11, which says “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” I see two key parts in this verse; the virtue of patience and not holding onto past grievances. By having patience, we prevent ourselves from escalating situations and instead resolve them before they go too far. Letting go of the bitterness of the past, like Joseph did with his brothers, is another important part of this verse because doing so gives us more room to pursue our passions and love others. We only have so much time and energy in our lives, so why waste it on fuming over people’s wrongs and mistakes when we could instead nip it in the bud by having a real conversation and taking that liberating step of forgiveness. Chances are, some people won’t reciprocate your forgiveness even after you’ve taken that step for them. This is a hard thing to accept sometimes, and I think the best thing we can do is to come to terms with the fact that some people don’t want to be reconciled with while not being weighed down by their negativity. 

Once we forgive and reconcile, it’s so important that we continue to have a tender heart that helps us continue living out a forgiving lifestyle (Study and Obey). This includes not bringing up peoples past mistakes in an effort to hurt them since you’re then bringing back the bitterness that you previously let go of. It also means taking each conflict as an opportunity to learn something new. King David saw the value in doing this when a person from Saul’s family started pelting David and his army with rocks. Instead of listening to his troops to retaliate, David said “leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to. It may be that the Lord will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today” (2 Samuel 16:11-12). Through this verse, we see how King David interprets the sins being done against him as God’s will that he should persevere with a calm mind in return for God’s blessing. We can also see the sins being against us as an opportunity for spiritual growth while we try to pursue the path of forgiveness, knowing that through each experience we learn how to better come to terms with the difficulties in life. Through this perspective, it’s a lot easier to keep a cool and collected mindset while we try to figure out the best course of action. 

The Bible has a lot of tools that can help us let go of the pain we connect with bad experiences and pursue a more hopeful future. While you’ll always face people that won’t accept your forgiveness or change their behavior that caused them to wrong you in the first place, it feels so much better to take that step in trying to make amends, knowing that you did your best to make things right while you continue to show them the respect they deserve by not falling back on the bitterness that they might still have for you. Even if you can’t manage to get back on good terms with others, you’ll always learn something new that can help you grow closer with God. 

The views in the post are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Lutheran Center or St. Olaf College.

Sources

Carter, Elizabeth. “9 Stories from the Bible That Teach Us the Power of Forgiveness.” Bible Scripture, May 1, 2024. https://biblescripture.net/9-stories-from-the-bible-that-teach-us-the-power-of-forgiveness/.

Study and Obey. “Forgiveness Topical Inductive Bible Study Notes,” August 7, 2018. https://studyandobey.com/inductive-bible-study/forgiveness/.

“How God Restored David After His Failings – Christian Website,” January 14, 2024. https://www.christianwebsite.com/how-did-god-restore-david/.

Wright, Vinita Hampton. “Two Differences between Forgiveness and Reconciliation.” Ignatian Spirituality (blog), September 24, 2014. https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/two-differences-between-forgiveness-and-reconciliation/.