There’s a high school graduate living in my house. He wants to stay out later and be the master of his schedule. At the same time, he’d like me to take care of the details of his life because that’s easiest for him.

My relationship with this one is changing again and while I’m grieving in moments, I’m genuinely excited to see him becoming an adult and I see my role as being one of helping him to do this wisely. There will be joys and triumphs and mistakes and hurts for him — and as one who loves him deeply, I’ll worry. I expect that you’ll be having similar thoughts.

Our job now is to be more coach than advisor. It’s time for us to step aside and allow our student to take the lead in their own life. This is their time to learn more about themselves and it’s our time to listen without offering opinions or advice, to appreciate their exploration, and to let them know that we have confidence that they’ll be alright.

It’s critically important that we don’t step away, however. As we are stepping aside and allowing this person to take the lead in their lives, it will be useful to teach them some of the skills of adulthood. I think of this as sitting at their elbow as they learn to take on responsibilities.

Over the next several weeks, I’ll write about conversations I encourage you to have around the development of skills for your student, and I’ll continue to write about the skills of coaching our students.

Roz Eaton
Dean of Students