I don’t remember being taught how to make appointments for myself, so I hadn’t given it much thought. Then I sat in my office with a student and asked him if he had made an appointment for himself to see a doctor. His face was absolutely blank. After a quiet pause he told me that his mother was out of the country.

Consider sitting at your student’s elbow as they make their own phone call to schedule a haircut or a dental or doctor’s appointment or any kind of appointment. It will likely take some effort on your part to get them to even try. With mine I talked him through what to say and what he might be asked about. I sat at his side and helped him to answer a couple of questions he wasn’t certain of, but mostly I listened. He’d still rather not, but I’m working on him.

Last week I said that it is our time to listen without offering opinions or advice. There are two benefits I’d like you to consider. It’s much easier to listen and really hear when you listen to your student without thinking about what you’ll say or do. And they grow to trust that they can talk about their struggles and worries and excitements without having to worry that you’ll have an opinion or that you’ll step in and fix it. While this isn’t easy because we’re used to helping, consider that what they need from us now is to be truly listened to.

We all need that after all.

On a final note, you’ve received the message from Dean George that St. Olaf will welcome new students to campus on August 15. As a parent, this must be both daunting and exciting. You may wonder how you will make this happen and are likely also excited that your student will start their St. Olaf experience in person. Ask your student if they have concerns or what they might be excited about and then listen. If they have worries, ask what they think they might do to address those worries. And then ask if they might be willing to hear your thoughts about how to manage the details they have to manage. Would it help them to make a list? Suggest that they do so. Consider not telling them how to manage it, but offer thoughts and then offer to sit at their side as they move through the details. You can be there to answer questions.

Roz Eaton
Dean of Students