Victim-blaming is the attitude that victims are responsible for the assault, rather than their perpetrator. This attitude is harmful and suggests that the victim did something to elicit the domestic violence or harassment that occurred. Victim-blaming can take on a variety of forms, including skepticism or disbelief and implicit or explicit blame. It can also be expressed through phrases such as “you should have had less to drink”, “what were you wearing?”, “did you do anything that could have been misinterpreted?”, “you need to be more assertive”, “why didn’t you fight back?”, or “why were you alone with them?”.
Here are some examples and phrases that affirm survivors experiences:
- “It took a lot of courage to tell me about this”
- “This is not your fault”
- “I care about you and am here to listen”
- “How can I best support you during this time? Are there any resources you need?
Most importantly, remember to acknowledge the difficulty of sharing stories of trauma and violence, believe survivors and offer compassion, be careful with the language you use, and inform the survivor of their resources and options.
