Sexually Healthy

Communication

• Interact with all genders in appropriate and respectful ways
• Communicate effectively with family and friends
• Ask questions of other adults about sexual issues, when necessary
• Are able to communicate and negotiate sexual limits
• Communicate respectfully their desires to have sex and not to have sex
• Accept refusals of sex without hostility or feeling insulted
• Can physically express feelings of attraction and desire in ways that do not focus on the genitals (ex: holding, caressing, kissing, etc.)
• Talk with a partner about sexual activity before it occurs, including limits, contraceptive and condom use, and meaning in the relationship
• Communicate with partners their intentions for the relationship (ex: only dating, want marriage)
• Listen to and respect others’ boundaries and limits
• Are sensitive to non-verbal cues of others’ boundaries and limits

Relationships

• Develop friendships that do not have a sexual agenda
• Avoid exploitative relationships
• Choose partners who are responsible, trustworthy, safe and giving
• Can be sexually intimate without being physical (ex: talk about sexual feelings, verbally express attraction, do things that awaken desire in partner)
• Can express themselves in ways other than genitally (ex: holding, caressing, kissing, etc.)
• Take personal responsibility for their own boundaries

Self-esteem and self-worth

• Appreciate their own bodies
• Are sensually aware and able to stay conscious in their bodies
• Can touch their own bodies without feeling shame or disgust
• Allow themselves to experience pleasurable sensual and sexual feelings
• Have the capacity to nurture themselves and others, and accept nurturing from others
• Feel joy in sexual experiences of their choosing
• Know when they need touch rather than sex and try to get their needs for touch met appropriately
• Have a developed sense of self, an understanding of who they are
• Enjoy sexual feelings without necessarily acting upon them
• Accept refusals of sex without hostility or feeling personally insulted
• Allow themselves to be vulnerable
• Are comfortable with their sexual identity and orientation
• Are becoming aware of the impact of negative sexual experiences such as sexual abuse, and the impact of negative cultural messages on their sexual development
• Are taking steps to address issues that have arisen as a result of past experiences
• Feel confident in their ability to set appropriate boundaries
• Realize that, by working through sexual issues, individuals may heal psychological and emotional wounding from past experiences and damaging beliefs.

Education

• Realize the consequences of sexual activity
• Comprehend the impact of media messages on thoughts, feelings, values, and behaviors related to sexuality
• Understand that the drive for sex is powerful and can be integrated into one’s life in positive and healthy ways
• Respect the right of all people to enjoy and engage in the full range of consensual, non-exploitive sexual behaviors

Values

• Decide on what is personally “right” and act on these values
• Demonstrate tolerance for people with different values
• Are not threatened by others with sexual orientation different from theirs
• Show respect to others whose cultural values, ethnic heritage, age, socioeconomic status, religion, and gender are different from theirs

Contraception, protection, and body integrity

• Take responsibility for their own bodies and their own orgasms
• If sexually active, use contraception effectively to avoid unplanned pregnancy and use condoms and safer sex to avoid contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease
• Practice health-promoting behaviors, such as regular checkups, breast or testicular self-exams, regular and routine testing for STDs

Spirituality

• Honor the sacred aspect of sexual union
• Understand that sexual energy is not separate from being human
• Understand that sexual union is one way human beings connect body and soul